Full Circle

Grandmother Kauai

On April 25, 2013 I experienced my first Mammogram that birthed a great journey of deep inner work of truth. It had been one year and as I looked back it felt like yesterday. I recently found my journal where I recorded most of what I felt throughout that year. I sat there with the journal, a painting of Buddha on the front cover staring me in the face, and reflected on how I felt today. I had just finished my last surgery, received great healing from Grandmother Kauai, and felt as though I had finally passed a mile stone. I felt new, alive, fearless and beautiful. I opened the journal and began to read my journey. I got to a few pages before I thought and felt this was my story and it might be good to share it because on these pages are the true vulnerable me in the raw and I wondered how would it feel to expose that part of me.

It has now been a few days later and I struggle with my purpose on this issue. On one hand it was story and I don’t want to live that story anymore but I also don’t want to push it away it needs a proper place on my shelf called life. So today I share with you my struggle.

While laying in bed I felt a recessed area in that hollow place between my two breast. The side that now has a soft implant had in indention. I reached and felt it. It was hard, very hard because it was bone. I then felt the other side where my real breast still exists and I couldn’t feel the hard area the tissue from the breast rest on top of it. Feeling the bone again I realized the reality of my body and that beneath that bone lies my heart beating to keep life in me. It was profound how close and how real. I thought of being hollow, the skeleton is hollow until it is filled with what brings us alive. My organs, blood, tissue, muscles, brain, etc. From this hollow place we are birthed to movement, breathe, experiences, beginnings and ends. For me I was reminded of how my journey with breast cancer did intact bring me closer to my own heart. Bring me to a place to receive love from me a great lesson we all are here to learn.

Today I will sit in this hollow place and observe all that has filled it and be O.K with all that is waiting to fill. And then I will get back to you………